Feelings

I realized today after going through some of my posts that I haven't really stated my feelings on this whole situation of infertility testing.
so here goes... I am scared out of my mind as to what the outcome of these tests could be. I am good at hiding my emotions. I don't show people very often my true feelings. I am scared to death of my test tomorrow. I am afraid of what they might or might not find. I really am ready for the answers. I really want to know why getting pregnant is taking so long.
I have been thinking a lot about the different situations that can result from these tests and what my options are. and I think I am okay with most of them except for the one where they tell me I can't have kids. But I am really trying to not think about that one. Its my biggest fear in the entire world. Even more scary to me than Bears and Sharks and thats HUGE if you know me!
I know adoption is an amazing thing but more than anything I want to have a life grow inside me to feel it move and hear the heart beat and have that special 9 months of bonding with the little life that Deric and I created. I will get pricked and have uncomfortable tests just to have that 9 months!
I check my email almost every 10 minutes just to see if the doctor has updated my test results. I really have been hoping that they would find something in my blood work that could explain it all, but they haven't sent me my results yet, which really is about to drive me insane! The second I get them I will for sure post! I am super anxious, scared, emotional, upset and excited for this whole journey. I am so ready to figure this out but then again scared out of mind!